Hmmm

Where the hell did my vibrator make off to? I have not seen it since the move.

I miss it. I got it in Atlanta, Georgia when I was there for the Ferret Symposium back in 2003? or 2005? It was a while ago. I bought Stan a little orange bong at the same store. That was back when I was still considered "cool" an was allowed to hang out with ferret people. Now I have been blacklisted from my old friends because well, I'm not exactly sure but that's a story for another day.

I was looking around today for a replacement. I found this one which seems nice enough and cheap. This may be TMI but they don't go in, they just go on, if you get my drift.

I miss my old one. I wonder where in the world it is, just sitting there, unused, waiting for someone to use it, bored, batteries getting old and eventually leaking in it. I worry about things like this because I think I must be crazy. I have anthropomorphism for the strangest things. I still am stuck on a tiny plastic Doberman Pinscher toy that I had when we were in Italy, I had a bunch of plastic dogs in an unfinished building that I was playing in, and I was playing in a pile of sand, and somehow the Doberman got lost in the sand. I obsessed over this little plastic toy for the remainder of my stay there, years. I would go to that sand pile and filter through the sand looking for that dog, thinking he was sad and lonely and waiting for me come rescue him. I still feel a pang of guilt when I think of him now. I am pretty sure I need medication.

I did not go to work today and I took medicine that was not prescribed for me for recreational purposes. I did this because I feel bad, sick bad and being in an altered state is pleasant. It takes me out of my current sad real life and takes me to another state of mind, where I am happy and I don't dwell on negativity. I like it, I've always liked it, that's why I'm a junkie and I always will be one. And because well, getting high is fun. I enjoy the nods. It was there, it was free, and why not? I'm not a bad person so stop looking at me like that.