Video killed the Picture of the day

The video and audio don't sync up, but that's okay.

Video killed the Picture of the day

If this product is efficient, all hookers would have arms that looked like Madonna's. So this disproves the theory. Plus, the "prestigious California university" that they speak of, I'm pretty sure, is either DeVry or ITT Tech.

I love how they say for women only. I'm surprised that they don't have a penis head rubber piece that you can slip onto the end to "prevent chipping". LOL

Thursday

Today was a very nice day. I wore my new fragrance to work and 4 people commented positively on it today. I think I have the correct spray amount down now. :)

Stan's making turkey burgers for dinner and they smell delicious. The dog is being naughty and getting in trouble, he's puked all over the house and he's being super clingy and following Stan all over the house and if you knew the size of our house you would understand why this is so ridiculous. I think he gorged on a neck bone and that caused him to vomit because earlier I did see him with a bone in his mouth.

I watched the latest True Blood this afternoon and OMG I cannot wait until next week! That show is so great, I dare say I enjoy it as much as I enjoyed the Sopranos back in the day. This last Sunday's show was so action packed and left so many strings untied that I am anxious to see next week's episode. SPOILERS : How will Jason save Sookie from the basement of the church? Will her fake fiancee make it out alive? What's up with the bloodstained lot that Eggs to Tara to during their ride to the hardware store? And whats up with Marianne and not getting a shower? Is she powered by water? Whats up with the PIG? I hate Lorena but will she release Bill in time to go save Sookie, or will ESCANDALO Bill give in to their history and take back up with her? Or will she get Sookie for Eric who confessed he wanted her from Bill? Why does Pam want Lafayette to sell V again? When is Lafayette gonna get his groove back? You know it's bad when Andy can tell you've lost your groove. Is Daphne going to have Sam stabbed to death at the orgy hosted by Maryann with a bull mask and a dagger? Oh the questions!!!

I like watching series each week, but honestly I love watching them all at once on a DVD. I have no patience and I don't like waiting for Monday's or later to watch the show. I wish I could just sit down and watch the entire series like I did with all the Dexter series. I would even watch them out of order when the library delivered them out of order. LOL but still, it was better than the anticipation of watching weekly.

So tomorrow is Friday and I hope it's decent at work. If I can get one more of my deadbeats to pay up I will get a gas card for a bonus, it was a challenge put on me to collect x amount of money by one of my managers who didn't think I could collect $5K in a week. I was only in four days this week, too, and I'm right only a bit under $200 away from doing this. I hope I can get it done tomorrow, I have good luck getting debit cards to go through on Fridays since people get direct deposit on Fridays. Here's hoping, I could use a free fifty dollar bonus.

Livin the Dream

So your dad's recognizable all over the world, and he's made a career of breaking his body and probably soul, taking steroids and tearing off perfectly good shirts.

With Dad's money and notoriety, you know you can get a music career, right? Of course! There are enough good studio techs with studios, and image consultants, and makeup artists, and choreographers, and wardrobe consultants out there who are hungry enough to say, "Hulk, she's adorable but she does not have what it takes to be a pop singer". Believe it or not there are scruples and integrity in the business. It's harder to find than what the Hogans have found, which are commonly known as "Leeches". Instead they found theses leechpeople who only know the word YES and if the checks keep flowing, the nonsense does as well. Sure baby whatever you want, those pants are so fucking hot, I guarantee they'll be on the runways in Milan this fall.

As shown in this photo. The airbrushed photo that Brooke is holding is not fan art, or something she purchased for $20.00 on the Ocean City, New Jersey boardwalk. This is the actual cover art for her upcoming CD. Can you imagine? The people who okayed this decision were either A) blind B) 14 years old and wished it had "blinkies" or C) Friends of Brookes who are also on her payroll and "just want to make her happy". They thought Brooke seemed to dig it since the artist gave her a lithe midsection and a face like a downs syndrome patient.

Either way, the end result of all these wonderfully made, thought out, researched decisions that have been made in the realm of Brooke Hogan's career is in the photo. Standing in front of a folding table covered with some fabric from the crafts department, with a WalMart logo printed sign (the same type sign design that reminds you to wash your hands after you pee) letting the hordes of crowds (where are they?) that she will be there from 5 till 7. Conveniently located directly in front of socks. In summer. Socks in summer, she should name the new CD that, because we need one just as much as we don't need the other.

I shot a man in reno, just to watch him die

This boy's 5 years old and he's gonna be the next man in black, you mark my words.

In the meantime, I can still sit here and go awwww, right?

Wednesday

Today at work was fun! I do believe it was due to my GIANT UNDERPANTS! Yes I wore giant drawers today. They were not really just drawers, they were more of a fat sucking in tool. Yeah I broke down and bought one of these when I went shopping with my sis. It's pretty amazing how comfy it is and it does do a number on your flab. It also reminds you that it's there and you've got yourself so fat that you need to be held in by expensive undergarments so hey fatty so fat, why not skip lunch? The only thing that truly sucks homeless balls about it is going to the bathroom. I only went one time in a 10 hour time period because it was like an olympic sport taking it off and putting it back on in a tiny restroom stall. Plus with me being a germaphobe, I cannot touch the walls, and my clothes can't touch the floor, so it's a balancing act which probably looked like something out of Circque De Soliel. But I did manage to pee, and next time I know better and don't drink!!

I am going to get this kind whenever I get some money so that I can pee at work. I am really not trying to get a kidney stone. Plus my legs don't need any compression, just my middle, not the ass, not the tits, just the gut. So basically I will buy movement and urinating restrictive clothing rather than to do some sit ups. How lazy am I? I think that this paragraph shows the depths of my laziness.

I got a kickass white short trenchcoat yesterday on clearance for under $20, 2 Mr. Rogers style cardigans for work so I can wear short sleeves and still hide my shame, fashion tape for my button up shirts since the boobs want to make the buttons to pull and look messy. I got some Estee Lauder "Beyond Paradise" perfume, which I am trying to replace my Clinique Happy with. I've been on the Happy for god, 12 years. I love it but I think I need something new and my sister agreed and was shocked that I was still on it, even a derivitave of it, the Happy Heart. So, it was something new for me. This was like the 2nd smell I smelled and I like it. So it's mine now, it seems to disappear very fast with the same squirts as Happy which everyone at work commented on. Nobody said dick today, but then again they didn't say hey kim did you spill the juice of a can of tuna on your pants? Because that would have made me sad.

I also got some MAC makeup which I love but can't afford, some powder, some brushes, some eyeshadows, and I feel so pretty. I did pretty eyes today with pussy pink eyeliner, pink with blue highlights lids and creases, and baby pink highlights. I've been doing clear eyelash treatement at night then regular mascara at day, and WOW my friend at work asked if I was wearing falsies today, which I told her no, but I was wearing ENORMOUS UNDERPANTS!which of course then a mini fashion show ensued.

Hope your day was as fun as mine! I drank about 15 jello shooters that I shared with Mr. Ito while waiting for Stan to get home. I don't have a buzz from the Vodka, but the sugar has me going! zzzzzwwwhhheeeeee!

Iggy Pop's Mom

When did Madonna become Iggy Pop's mom?


Nurse, administer some cookie dough or mashed potatoes & gravy, STAT!

Stinky?

The sad thing is this is a real product and people will send this company real money rather than introduce their ass to Mr. Soap and Captain water.

I am taking a few days off to visit family so I wish everyone a wonderful few days.

vote

http://www.tmz.com/2009/07/25/tmzs-crazy-pet-pic-contest-the-finals/

Giger (misspelled as Ginger) is in a contest.

He is #105, if you're so inclined.

Voting begins Monday.

thigh friction

I can only hope padding was involved

Friday

Oh my god I am so happy I don't have to work tomorrow. This week has been so surreal what with Monday being completely lost to medication, and Tuesday the same, somehow even with those 2 days being so weird, the week seemed to go on forever and ever.

So work today was actually good. People were nice and human on the phone, a coworker who I found out a while ago was stealing was shitcanned today, and my coworkers made me smile & laugh. My one coworker who is usually kind of stuffy and uptight was on some muscle relaxers and pain pills and was hilarious, probably like I was on Tuesday. LOL She said the funniest thing today, this pushy foreigner had called and was bitching because they paid to use the waterparks and it was lightning outside so they closed the outdoor park, and they wanted their money back (mind you there's a 125K square foot indoor park that was open) and we told them no, and after they hung up she says "the kosher pool is closed!" and it just made no sense, but she said it with such conviction it was hilarious.

Stan and I went to the Goodwill after work and I got 2 outfits one with matching shoes and everything. Now I have a reason to look forward to work on Monday. :) All for $20.00.

I plan on vegetating this weekend too. My sister is coming next weekend, and I do need to clean the house but oh how fun it sounds to sleep.

What the hell is going on here?

Your guess is as good as mine.

wow

I apparently went to work on Tuesday just as wasted as i was on Monday. I have no recollection of Monday or Tuesday. Hooray for drugs!

I am feeling more like myself today but I am still just exhausted. I could nap until tomorrow morning, but that's not really a nap is it? :)

Yesterday I had a bitchy woman call and complain that the Mobil gas station down the street overcharged her $.30 per gallon when she was here and what did I plan on doing for her? Um, give you the number to the Mobil station perhaps? Oh, that's it? Yes, I don't work for Mobil. Well you obviously own the station, it's on the property. Not to be difficult ma'am, but it's actually not on the property and we do not own it and there's nothing I can honestly do to assist you with the Mobil station. Well, that just goes to show what terrible customer service your resort gives! I will NEVER come back! :click:

People, gotta love em. On a good note today I did collect over $600 in deadbeat money.

I am so wasted my god they gave me 2 tinyp ills o keep me sane in the mri tube. i honeslty dont reneber athing aand am so waseted its not eve n funny. Its also stans birthday so we had steaks and sea cucuarachas. MMM mmmthey were really good.

im going to bed but stans gotta check me cuz the combo of benzodizepans and my daily methaedone and the hosptial injectable stufff theres a channce i could stop breathing. Whats hat? I hear someone yelling hold your breath! thats not very nice, you must have some infectious fish tacos adhered to your labia and feel the need to lash out at me who is not a whore but still manages to hafe fun so pfffffffffffffffffbbbbtttttttttttttttttt I wish you big fzcial blemishes andsmellly unerpants cotdches .

If I had a genie I would wish for 36 million dollars in non-marked bills, tax free, not stolen from anyone else, that is mine legally and forever. And when I spent $1, I would then make $2. Everyday for the resto fo my natural ife. That would be what i aske for me, I'd also ask that all pets had GREAT homes that loved and cheristed them. and that they'red be no more mistreated or homeless pets. I'd insititute a licensing program for all would be parents and have them all checked out (mentally, intellgently, housewise, finances)and see if they'd be fit parents. If not, there would be easily enough if they actually TRIED steps to take so they could learn to be the parent their kid wants and needs. If they don't wanna do that, the infertile people would have theses children to choose from as children who need to be adopted.

That's if I had a 3 wish genie.

2 in one post

Today was exactly like yesterday minus leaving the house.

Here's the picture of the day, too. Compliments of Stan. What is going on here? Maybe it needs a caption but I'm too lazy to try.

Bow down to your new masters

I guess they won't be selling fried chicken at the deli after the new world order. Maybe they'll replace it with squirrel.

Saturday

I think if I were independently wealthy I would be so sloth-like. My Saturdays are the epitome of leisure. My most tiresome activity today was vacuuming. My dog sheds so much I want to shave him. But I think a bald german shepherd would just look sickly and nobody would want to pet him and tell him how pretty he is when we go for walks.

We did go to a couple yard sales today, I got a duvet set for the bed and a gorgeous antique silk table runner with japanese embroidery all over it. It is so pretty and it was $3. Yay! Also we went to Walgreens and I got some hair dye for my latest big idea about what the fuck I am going to do with the mop of hair on my head. I was almost thisclose to cutting it the other day and Stan was like if you cut it, you'll hate it and I don't wanna hear about it when you're all pissed off after you do something stupid. He's right it's taken me so long to grow my hair this long and it can look decent if I try, so I'm going to do some creative bleaching and see if I like it. Kind of a a Cruella DeVille look. Stan didn't want to go inside the Walgreens because his toes are still painted from when he was laid up in the bed after his surgery. They're not pink or anything they have a clear coat with small red hearts and glitter mixed in. Barely noticeable and really who's going to dare say something to the guy who looks like this and has pretty pink hearts on his toes? Seriously!

So yeah that was my day. Now I am sitting in bed typing and watching QVC and wishing I had some money because they have Philosophy stuff on there. Did you know that QVC has Tacori jewelery? THEY DO! I was shocked because that has got to be one of my favorite brands of jewelery ever. And a lot of it is in platinum plated silver which is really affordable. Love it! I like watching QVC sometimes when I want to shop but don't want to put on pants. That should be their new logo, right?

Tomorrow we are going to go to the range and go shooting. I have not been shooting in forever and am kind of excited. I want to bring some fun targets like helium balloons and stuff that explodes when you hit it, maybe some water balloons with red water inside to get some of my anger out. I wonder if we'll bring Mr. Ito.

Oh man they have watermelon bath gel on tv. That sounds so great doesn't it? They discontinued the bath gel I was using at Walgreens. It was called Breathe Easy and had menthol and spearmint in it and smelled so great and tingled when you used it. The ladies on TV are saying this stuff smells like Jolly Rancher and now I want it really bad. DAMN the fact that I am poor! Oh well. If I were rich I'd have so much bath and body and cosmetics stuff it would be ridiculous.

Heather stopped by today to pick up clothes. I didn't even see her and she didn't even tell her dad to tell me to drop fucking dead. I cannot wait until she doesn't come by for clothes or for money or for anything anymore. She's really pissed me off I think to the point of no return. It will take some serious changing on her end, or a lot of time for me to feel differently.

My family tree is a paper mill

Since I'm adopted, I used to pretend my parents were shopping channel hosts. For some reason this cute gay man always looked like he smelled nice so I would tell people he was my birth father.

Now I have a new fake parent photo that I am thinking of framing and taking to work and building a storyline about. Meet my birth mom, isn't she something? She was recently arrested for urinating in public, in particular in a Publix Store's Bulk Food section. Always classy that mom of mine, always classy.

Friday

Oh the joys of Friday. Except for one dude at work everyone was semi human. The dude broke the glass cooktop on the oven in his room and didn't want to pay the $500 to replace it. How sad. I charged his card immediately when maintenance called to let me know it occurred. 2 hours later I get this super aggressive douchebag on the phone telling me the cooktop was old (yeah, and? What does glass get brittle as it gets old? I have some pyrex bakeware that's 20 years old dude) and he's not going to pay for it. I corrected him and let him know he had already paid for it. Guy went nuts, telling me he's going to contest the charge and I reminded him he signed the reg card stating he would be responsible for any damages he caused. He stated he didn't cause it. Oh, okay, maybe you personally did not, but someone in your party did, and you called down to the front desk to complain about it and demand a new room or oven. He stated he's not paying for it and thats that and he wants a manager. I send poor manager over and he gets up in her face (she's maybe five three?) and tells her he's not paying and blah blah blah and she tells him he's already paid for it, and since he's so unhappy she would be happy to check him out right now and only charge him $100 to depart early. I love this manager. She's got balls the size of planets. Dude realizes he's up against someone he cannot defeat and chooses to stay but wants a new room with a working cooktop. So we switch his room but apparently the room is ready for him 10 minutes after he has put his kids down for a nap and he won't depart the room until they wakeup in about 3 hours. Manager laughs and states that in 3 hours he will not have to move as he'll be staying in that room if he's still in it. If he'd like to move rooms, the time is now. He begrudgingly does it, and makes a huge stink and gets so in her face security is called for her safety. Now, I was thinking it would sure be great fun around oh, 2 or 3 tonight to call the room that this douche is in and pretend I'm the guy in the room upstairs and say something like, "hey asshole, I'm the guy upstairs and if you don't shut up your ugly retarded kids I'm gonna come down there and give them a a reason to cry". Or something like that. Which would A) wake up the kids and annoy this guy, and/or B) cause him to stomp upstairs and beat on the upstairs neighbors door, waking that guest, and causing him to look like a real jerkoff. Then, about 4 minutes after the initial call, I thought it would be funny to call the front desk and pretend I was the guy on the 3rd floor above the inital douche and report a fight on the 2nd floor. Then security would come and those 2 guests would be fighting and the initial douche would probably be evicted. Then security would go up to the 3rd floor and check in with the guest who reported the fight, who actually is also sleeping and who would also be awakened for no good reason. These are the fantasies that I have now because these guests drive me to scenarios where I piss them all off.

Fun huh? Remember I didnt say I did this or I am planning on doing this, I said I think it would be funny. And I do! HA!

I only have flies, for you

I dunno if you can see what's going on in this pic unless you click it.

But damn, this bitch must smell like a diaper load of shrimp.